For the times I failed to love, to see
love and be love.
We
belong to a community; we all must learn to love each other. We are from a
religious congregation and the clergy look up to us in terms of living a
community life, they say that in the end we have “a home to come home to” and
brothers to have.
The
major issue I am confronting now is how to live with my brothers. I mean on a
daily basis, I see them and interact with them. Eat pray and work with them.
The problems is that there were moments that I’d rather not see them and know
what they do because I cannot help but comment on what they do and how they do
it. I also hate myself for being a perfectionist, for demanding and expecting
too much from myself and with other people. But I cannot help it. I once told my
brothers that I also wished that the time would come that I would just stop
caring and minding them.
I
summon love to be my guide, the Lord who is the source of all love. Is it because
of too much love for them that I want everything to be in order? Is it the same
love the poisons me in the vile of hate and discomfort when things go wrong? It
affect me a lot that I mind even the small details of what they do, like being
late in the mass and in our prayer time. I get affected if they do not know
their schedule for the leading the prayer, serving in the mass and if they are
not wearing the prescribed attire for the mass. Maybe I am being too much.
I
think what counts with God is how much we love and how well we serve Him. Love
should then be the reason and basis for my words and actions – may I always be
reminded of this even though it is hard to follow. Everyday activities and
chores should lead me to loving others rather than condemning them. To serve
and not to lord over people, to be compassionate and not to blame people, to
ask forgiveness and not offer excuses. May I be love.
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