Tuesday, January 29, 2013

to be love . . .

Journal entry august 31, 2012

For the times I failed to love, to see love and be love.

            We belong to a community; we all must learn to love each other. We are from a religious congregation and the clergy look up to us in terms of living a community life, they say that in the end we have “a home to come home to” and brothers to have.

            The major issue I am confronting now is how to live with my brothers. I mean on a daily basis, I see them and interact with them. Eat pray and work with them. The problems is that there were moments that I’d rather not see them and know what they do because I cannot help but comment on what they do and how they do it. I also hate myself for being a perfectionist, for demanding and expecting too much from myself and with other people. But I cannot help it. I once told my brothers that I also wished that the time would come that I would just stop caring and minding them.

            I summon love to be my guide, the Lord who is the source of all love. Is it because of too much love for them that I want everything to be in order? Is it the same love the poisons me in the vile of hate and discomfort when things go wrong? It affect me a lot that I mind even the small details of what they do, like being late in the mass and in our prayer time. I get affected if they do not know their schedule for the leading the prayer, serving in the mass and if they are not wearing the prescribed attire for the mass. Maybe I am being too much.

            I think what counts with God is how much we love and how well we serve Him. Love should then be the reason and basis for my words and actions – may I always be reminded of this even though it is hard to follow. Everyday activities and chores should lead me to loving others rather than condemning them. To serve and not to lord over people, to be compassionate and not to blame people, to ask forgiveness and not offer excuses. May I be love. 

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