Journal entry september 21, 2012
There have been too many deaths
recently. My good friend Jenny just lost her mother, Ogie and Joan lost their
fathers. We lost our good friend Joseph with asthma. I know that these people
are special and will not be forgotten. They played a great part in our lives
and will take a special place in our hearts.
Last
film viewing session, we saw ‘Asiong Salonga, Hari ng Tondo’. It was one of the
most remarkable Tagalog films I have seen so far, in terms of the story, visual
narrative and ensemble performance. One scene from the film captured my attention;
Asiong the lead character was watching a funeral service on television. It was
that of the late comedian Tugo. He was ushered by crowd of people in procession
towards the cemetery. Flocks of
different people were in long queue on the funeral procession, a real sight to
behold. Asiong said to his wife that he wanted to be remembered by the people and
send off to his grave in the same way. People crowding the streets, crying, sobbing
and mourning the loss of a great man. By the end of the film, Asiong because of
his great love for the people and for the country got the funeral that he
wanted.
It
would be too premature now and morbid to think about what my funeral would be like.
This deep thought is too existential even. I still want to profess my first
vows and later on ordained as a Pauline priest and I pray that God would give
me that grace. I want to hold my thanksgiving masses in our barrio in San
Miguel Bulacan and in Marinduque. I want to hold masses for the underprivileged
people in far flung areas and if give the chance I also wanted to guide media practitioners
in the proper use of communication and shepherd them the Pauline way. That is a
lot to think about and to hope for. I pray
that I can live to see the mission of our founder Blessed James Alberione be
realized. May I help in spreading the Gospel in the most efficacious means to a
large number of people. But when the Lord said cut! . . . . Like in a shooting of a film, all will be put
to hold or even put to stop. In my life, He calls the shot not me and I am just
His production crew.
Will
there be flowers beside me, in my head and feet? Wish it would be all white. But
may I leave good deeds that are like the flowers that would remind them of God’s
love manifesting in my prayers and my love for all of them. Will there be
ribbons? Wish they would be yellow like Ninoy and Cory’s. But may I leave a
good example of how production and communication should go and flow that every
ribbon that they see will remind them of the hallmark of perfection and order
that we tried to accomplish as communicators and media practitioners. Will there
be crying? Wish there would be none. But may I leave memories that would make
them smile and even laugh, may they feel that I will always be there for them. May
the tears be only mine – tears that will wash away all the troubles and heartaches
that the world has given them. Can I be comfort to them? Wish I could be comfort
for all.
Will it be a sunny day? Wish that it
would rain. To bring freshness and rest to the earth and to souls longing for
rest in God’s embrace. But may I leave marks of love and forgiveness in many
hearts that I may dance with them all in the rain and assure them that God is
faithful in His promise. Will there be people to send me off? That we have to
see. But may my life be long enough to love more people, to show love, to be one
with love and be love. That people need not show up but show love and send me off
with their love multiplying and reaching God’s desk that they all may vouch for
me to enter His heavenly kingdom.
Will there be more questions? Wish that
there would be more. That death is just a passing through and remembering is in
the heart.
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